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The Top One Hundred Martin Shackelford Excuses

Copyright © 2003-2007 by David Reitzes


Judyth Vary Baker (right), as seen in Nigel Turner's History Channel documentary, The Men Who Killed Kennedy: The Love Affair, and Martin Shackelford, her outspoken advocate

 

Martin Shackelford once enjoyed a reputation as a knowledgeable and reasonably level-headed JFK assassination researcher. Unfortunately, his posts at such venues as the alt.assassination.jfk newsgroup have made him better known for advocating the credibility of individuals who claim to bear witness to bizarre CIA/Mafia/AIDS-engineering conspiracies and a top-secret autopsy of an extraterrestrial life form.

More than anything, perhaps, Martin's name has become synonymous with the seemingly endless series of excuses he comes up with when asked to support the beliefs he so adamantly espouses.

The following list paraphrases many of the excuses he's offered over the years, mostly at alt.assassination.jfk. It began as a simple Top Ten list, in the mold of David Letterman's famous lists; but as the excuses kept on coming, the list seemed to take on a life of its own.

I give you, then:

 

The Top One Hundred Martin Shackelford Excuses

 

100. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you'll have to ask me again later. (December 25, 1998)

99. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you should have asked me sooner. (November 11, 2001)

98. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm sick of you asking me. (March 31, 2002)

97. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm tired of being hammered about it. (March 31, 2003)

96. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but your request is all too familiar. (December 31, 2003)

95. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I find your questions abusive. (July 14, 2004)

94. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you assume I owe you an explanation. How droll. (October 1, 2002)

93. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's not my responsibility to supply you with information. (March 26, 2003)

92. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but the demand that I start handing out chunks of documentation at your behest is just bullshit. (October 3, 2000)

91. I could cite evidence in support of my claims -- if I felt obligated to provide you with any information. I don't. That simple enough? (March 27, 2003)

90. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I've never discussed the evidence, and have no intention of starting to do so now. (June 23, 2006)

89. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but evidence for many things is collective, rather than a matter of a single "smoking gun," and you well know this. Do your own research. (June 23, 2006)

88. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but the government is suppressing it. (July 2, 2004)

87. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but no one involved wants details posted. I'll leave it at that. (February 16, 2005)

86. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's none of your business. (July 1, 2006)

85. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't have it handy. (March 31, 2002)

84. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it would require some digging. (April 15, 1999)

83. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it would be difficult. (December 25, 1998)

82. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I have a ton of stuff and I'm not going to go through it all. (June 29, 2004)

81. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't actually have it in my possession. (June 30, 2004)

80. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but the guy who showed it to me no longer has it. (October 4, 1999)

79. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but, while I have run across such information, it was some time ago, and I don't recall the specifics. (May 6, 2003)

78. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but, while I am aware of some, I am simply not sure of the details at present. (May 5, 2003)

77. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but this is nonsense. You know that I have a hundred file folders full of stuff, and that, unless I devote a day or so exclusively to the task, it's not likely that I can produce your messages "right now." (July 19, 2004)

76. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but that would require some research. I'll jump right to it. Yes, boss. (June 17, 2004)

75. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but there's no emergency need to do so. (July 6, 2006)

74. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I have better things to do. (April 17, 2003)

73. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's not high on my list of priorities. (March 31, 2002)

72. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's not worth my time. (March 25, 2002) Screw it. (June 1, 2007)

71. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but your theory seems to be that any time someone raises a point that you question, they are obligated to spend whatever time it takes to locate the specific information for you. (May 6, 2003)

70. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but do you really think I'm going to spend hours looking through file folders? It's just not worth it. I'll let somebody else play your games. (July 23, 2004)

69. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but which looking glass did you pass through to enter a fantasy realm in which I am obligated to provide you with any information on anything? Not a snowball's chance in hell. (March 27, 2003)

68. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I already responded to the degree I could. (June 18, 2004)

67. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but anyone with access to the evidence could do so just as easily. (November 11, 2001)

66. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you could look it up in books yourself. (October 3, 1999)

65. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but why not ask somebody else? (June 17, 2004)

64. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but someone else has seen it and it's not my fault he's declined to show it to you. (November 19, 2003)

63. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I've already shared it with a good many researchers; why should I share it with you? (July 20, 2004)

62. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm pretty sure someone else already has. (December 27, 2003)

61. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but they don't concern a primary focus of my research. (October 19, 1999)

60. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I voluntarily choose not to do so. (June 23, 2004)

59. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm not under any obligation to do so. (November 9, 2001)

58. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's not my responsibility. (April 8, 2003)

57. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't feel any need to prove them to you. (June 26, 2004)

56. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's not my problem. (June 19, 2004)

55. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I won't do it just to satisfy your curiosity. (July 19, 2004)

54. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm not here to run errands for you. (March 25, 2002)

53. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't care to jump to your demands. (January 2, 2003)

52. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't have to do something just because some LNer asks me to. (June 14, 2000)

51. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't owe you a thing. Drop the ego trip. (July 2, 2004)

50. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but there's no reason for me to do a lot of searching to satisfy your demands for specific citations. No one else is interested, and it's a waste of my time. (August 11, 2003)

49. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but why should I? (August 10, 2003)

48. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't see what further discussion with you would accomplish. So no thanks. I'll save my breath. (January 21, 2004)

47. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I don't have the names of any witnesses, nor would I be likely to subject them to harassment from you. It's not that important to me to prove anything to you, that I would inconvenience others. (June 7, 2004)

46. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but what makes you think that my goal is to convert you? (June 18, 2004)

45. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but if you knew me, you wouldn't make the error of doubting the things I say. (January 2, 2003)

44. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you don't seem to understand and there seems no point in trying to explain it to you. (July 14, 2004)

43. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I find your request to be tiresome. (August 10, 2003)

42. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you clearly have no interest in a genuine response. (March 20, 2002)

41. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, were your request just a little more sincere. (February 19, 2002)

40. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I simply don't trust you. (July 2, 2004)

39. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm distrustful of your agenda. (April 9, 2003)

38. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I am suspicious of your motives. (November 17, 2001)

37. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm distrustful of what you'd do with it. (September 19, 2003)

36. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I have no reason to assume you won't misuse anything you get your hands on. (June 26, 2004)

35. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you'd only use it against me. (November 3, 2003)

34. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but the offer that I put everything in your gentle hands can't be taken seriously by anyone in their right mind. (June 28, 2004)

33. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but if you really cared about the answer, you'd go out and find it yourself. (April 9, 2003)

32. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but a forum for people interested in the JFK assassination is no place to properly lay out the evidence. That should be obvious. (December 1, 2003)

31. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm not going to vomit it all forth on your tawdry little newsgroup. (December 11, 2000)

30. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but no serious researchers rely on this newsgroup for "information." (July 14, 2004)

29. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I wouldn't want to put it out piecemeal. (June 18, 2004, et al)

28. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but while liberating material wrongfully withheld by the government is one thing, vomiting up evidence piecemeal before it can be presented in context is quite another. It won't happen. (October 4, 2000)

27. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, if you only showed more integrity in your newsgroup posts. (December 31, 2002)

26. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you need to work on your errors first. (November 11, 2001)

25. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, if you were just a little more responsible. (March 17, 2002)

24. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you know better than to think I'd provide you with any detailed information. (July 9, 2003)

23. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but why would I share it with you? Your credibility is at about minus 1000. (November 13, 2000)

22. I could cite evidence in support of my claims . . . but not for someone like you. (April 5, 2002)

21. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but why would anyone provide you with information? (July 1, 2004)

20. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but this is your third demand today for names of witnesses. Forget it. They don't deserve you. (June 7, 2004)

19. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I challenge you to produce some evidence first!! (October 3, 2000)

18. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but . . . what was that Biblical quote about the mote in the eye? (May 15, 2003)

17. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I'm not presently at liberty to discuss it. (October 2, 1999)

16. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's not for public display. (August 13, 2007)

15. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it's a secret. (June 28, 2000, et al)

14. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it wouldn't be very practical. (October 6, 2000)

13. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it would place human lives in peril. (Private e-mail to author, June 29, 2000)

12. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you know I can't do so as long as there is legal action involved. (June 27, 2006)

11. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but your request that I do so is nothing but a personal attack. (April 10, 2003)

10. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, if your request that I do so weren't so stupid. (July 24, 2000)

9. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but your demand is meaningless. (June 25, 2004)

8. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but you wouldn't believe me anyway. (April 10, 2003)

7. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but believe whatever you want. I'd rather you did, at this point. (July 1, 2004)

6. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but I think I can guarantee you right now that no one will ever provide you with "satisfactory" explanations, from your standpoint. (July 13, 2004)

5. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but it is not always wise to reveal what one knows. (July 4, 2004)

4. I could cite evidence in support of my claims, but who could argue with evidence like yours? You have spoken! (July 17, 2004)

3. I already did cite evidence in support of my claims, but the alt.assassination.jfk moderators are censoring me! (June 23, 2004)

2. I already did cite evidence in support of my claims, but it vanished into thin air! (November 15, 2001)

And the Number One Martin Shackelford Excuse . . .

1. Why don't you produce the evidence? (September 7, 2007)

 

 

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